Self-mastery isn’t about stopping thoughts or shutting things down. It’s about who you choose to be after things settle.
One idea I keep coming back to — especially when talking with my kids — is this: you are not your thoughts.
Thoughts show up all the time. Some are helpful. Some are strange. Some are uncomfortable. Some don’t even feel like “you.”
But thoughts aren’t identity. They’re events.
Who you are is the person who chooses what to do next.
Something We Get Backwards
There’s a quiet assumption — especially in spiritual, moral, or self-improvement spaces — that if something uncomfortable shows up inside you, it already means something.
So we push back. We try to shut it down. We try to override it quickly.
And strangely, that usually makes it louder.
There’s a simple principle here: what we feed grows.
If we keep watering a thought — even one we don’t like — it takes up more space. If we keep resisting something we hate about ourselves, it doesn’t shrink. It gets bigger until that’s all we see.
Learning to let things come, and then move through us, changes that.
People who meditate often describe it like watching a storm pass or a cloud drift by. You don’t argue with it. You don’t chase it away. You don’t jump into it.
You just watch it and let it move on.
What’s Actually Going On
Our bodies do things all the time without asking for permission.
Thoughts pop up. Feelings rise and fall. Energy moves through us.
That doesn’t mean we chose it. It doesn’t mean we agree with it. It doesn’t mean it defines us.
What shows up is not who you are.
You’re something much bigger than your thoughts. A person who takes action. A spiritual being having a physical experience. A son or daughter of God, learning how to use agency.
Identity lives there — not in passing mental noise.
Why Order Matters
Here’s something simple I’ve learned the hard way: it’s hard to make good choices when your system is stirred up.
It seems to work better like this. First, let the body settle. Second, let the moment pass. Third, decide who you want to be.
Trying to choose values too early usually turns into white-knuckling or self-judgment.
Clarity comes later.
A Simple Way I Relate to What’s Going on Inside (LAGS)
I use the idea of LAGS in a lot of areas — relationships, the past, the future. Here, I’m just talking about how it applies to myself.
It starts with listening.
Not fixing. Not correcting. Just noticing.
Something in me is activated. Something feels off. Something feels heavy or unsettled.
What is my body reacting to right now? What is my mind trying to do?
Next is acknowledging.
I’m stressed right now. I’m worried. I’m overwhelmed.
And then an important reminder: my body and mind are trying to do their job. They’re doing something natural, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Then comes giving.
Giving it what helps it move through instead of getting stuck — time, rest, movement, or simply not reacting.
Sometimes the most helpful thing to give is space.
No scrolling. No distracting. No rushing to fix or escape.
Just room.
And that’s the last part: space.
Space is what lets things finish. Without space, everything stacks.
We live in a world that makes space hard — constant input, noise, entertainment, and distraction. But when there’s something inside that needs to be processed, space matters.
When I give myself that kind of space, things usually settle on their own.
This Shows Up Everywhere
I’ve noticed this with stress and anxiety, overthinking, cravings, agitation, and uncomfortable energy.
These moments feel intense, but they’re usually temporary.
When they’re allowed to pass, they usually do.
After Things Calm Down
Once the noise settles, something else becomes available.
Perspective. Choice. Values.
This is where agency lives.
What you practice. What you repeat. What you move toward over time.
You’re not defined by what shows up — you’re shaped by what you choose to nurture.
Something I Keep Writing Down
You are not your thoughts.
Let the body do what it needs to do.
Then choose who you want to be.
That order matters.